2 milestones

Milestone 1: Went to my first WW meeting in 3 years

Let me begin by saying, I went to WW religiously years ago - and I lost about 3st. I've always looked smaller than my true weight (despite being overweight and with a unhealth BMI), but my highest when starting WW the first time was 12st3.5.

I attended my first WW meeting in about 3 years, and again weighed in at exactly 12st3.5. Thatw as last Friday, and let me tell you, it was nerve-wracking. It may sound silly, but I was worried my old WW leader Maureen would be taking the meetings at the Gillis Centre (not such a stretch of the imagination, as the meetings I used to attend were in Morningside) and I'd be greeted with shocked exclamations of "what the hell happened to you? You were doing so well, and now look - you've gained it all back."

Now I know Maureen would never say that, but the worry was, would people think it? Nail bitingly nervous. I even turned up on the wrong day at first; showed up on Thursday evening and had the poor wee guy at reception double check the meeting wasn’t on that night.

I didn’t stay for the meeting (for shame!) but just weighed in; I had plans with the boyfriend and I’d promised I’d only be gone 20 minutes. Now the Gillis Centre meetings are fairly new on the WW radar, and as last week was only Week 2, I think people were just getting their bearings. It was pretty quiet in comparison to the Merlin, which suited me. I ran into a girl I recognised who works in one of the cute wee shops on Colinton Road and chatted to her for awhile. It was generally quite a chilled out experience, and to be honest no one paid the slightest bit of attention as I got weighed. It’s nice to be anonymous sometimes!


Milestone 2: Succeeded in doing a backbend in yoga

I have been going to yoga on and off (more sporadically than regularly) for years, slipping in and out of it but never really committing to anything. Which is strange, because yoga has always been something I’ve been interested in.
When I was in Toronto at the end of last summer, I had the privilege of attending classes at an amazing yoga studio in Downtown TO, called Octopus Garden. This place was everything I’d ever wanted or hoped a yoga practice space to be. It was unpretentious, and the teachers were great – I really felt like I’d learned something, pushed myself, and felt a million times better after every class. The thing was, the studio was tiny, and often the classes were so crowded there was barely a gap between students. Once the class started though, all that meant nothing, and I barely noticed how crammed the room was or how busy.

The very best thing was, I finally managed to grasp meditation. Clearing my mind has always been something I’ve struggled with, but there it was achievable.

Ever since, I have been trying to find that same space again, but for some reason I’ve never been able to at any of the yoga classes I’ve attended in Edinburgh. I’ve tried studios recommended by friends and colleagues, but they’ve always fallen short somehow.

Someone recommended Union Yoga on Rodney Street to me a few months ago, and I tried a few classes but somehow, the teachers just weren’t the right fit for me. In one Ashtanga class, the teacher, a guy called Mark, was more interested in showing off what he could do rather than concentrating on poses that would fit the abilities of the students – and there wasn’t much instruction. I did attend a Kundalini yoga class there that I really enjoyed, but it wasn’t a regularly scheduled class. It focussed mostly on breathing and on mantras, so a step away from when I think of as yoga as a fitness class.

I signed up for a full term of classes at the Iyengar yoga centre near my flat a couple weeks ago, starting from scratch at Level 1. Now I realise I’m not a total beginner, but I’ve always found there were certain poses I struggled with or glossed over in my practice, and I thought it would be useful to get the fundamentals right before tacking anything more challenging.

Today was week 3 of classes, and we attempted backbends for the first time. The first pose was Ustrasana (camel pose). I’d seen it done before, but in Ashtanga and Vinyasa practice (which I’ve had experience of before) I had never attempted it myself. I’d always thought this pose involved a leaning back, but learned today it was a lifting pose. With some help from the teacher I actually managed it!

I feel like I’m making progress, which has totally put a huge smile on my face!

Non lofty goals = mini success?

Today - the first day of the rest of my diet.

Well, it's not meant to be a "diet", but it sounds more catchy.

I set myself a goal not to go over 35 ProPoints today - not the loftiest of goals maybe (my daily limit is 29), but a goal nonetheless.

Well, I have hit 31 Points today, it is 9:40 pm, and I am not hungry. I may snack n some fruit tonight, but otherwise I am feeling pretty satisfied. I even had a drink in the pub and a meal out in a fancy restaurant.

Ok, so we woke up late and had "brunch" instead of separate meals for breakfast and lunch, but I have to say, this is the first I've been even close to within my allowance. I'm quite proud of myself actually.

Me and the boyfriend did some serius power shopping today - hit the vintage shops around the West Port and Grassmarket pretty hard. He came home with a fabulous duffle coat with a tartan lining from Godiva, which was a total find at 75 quid.

My before and goal pictures (aka 'the way we were')

This is my before picture. I had to root around and steal this one from Facebook (it's on my friend's page, but I wouldn't let her tag me as I think I look big). I think I look big in most photos these days.

It's sad, and I am very vain apparently. I may be grinning like a loon but inside I am hoping the camera will shed 10 lbs.



This is an old photo of me. This is my goal; though it isn't the smallest I have ever been - and at the time I still thought I was fat - I look back on this size of me and think wow, I looked pretty damned good then.

I am also wearing a rubber dress.



I have high hopes for my true 'after' picture...

Fat fortnight

Weightloss was not the watchword these past couple of weeks. I don't know if it is the adjustment period from calorie counting to WW - actually, I am 100% certain I am 100% to blame for my failure this fortnight. Now I am not being particularly down on myself, and actually I am feeling quite good about things at the moment (though I have not lost and may have gained back a couple of those creeping pounds).

My work's Christmas lunch was last Friday, and I just did not give a toss about what went in my mouth, both food (duck, pigeon, meringue) and drink (3/4 bottle of red wine and whiskies aplenty). It was my last day and I think it was fair enough to let things slide for the day! I think it may be some time before I see some of the people I had been working beside for the past year, and I wanted to have a nice time; not spend the whole time thinking about what I was eating.

I've had a few slip-ups and I'm not proud of them. But this week is almost through, and it's only a whisper away from the new one. I am writing this fornight off as one to enjoy myself, see friends, have a little fun. I have been walking most days into town (as opposed to bussing it), and I feel healthier - fat, but healthier!

Day 1 recap

My first day back on WW went ok (not great). I was over my points allowance, but I did restrain myself somewhat – despite the fact my boyfriend was brewing up some tasty smelling stew late last night. He does that all the time – chucks in whatever is about to go off and makes these amazing concoctions. The best was a buffalo and tomato stew with whole shallots, slow-cooked overnight. Oh yum!

I haven’t had time to cook the past few months, and my eating has been atrocious. I’ve been grabbing something after class most days, and eating it on the bus to work. One thing I won’t miss about work is the silly commute from Kings Buildings down to Leith. One time I even took my leftovers from the night before, and nearly ended up with a pile of noodles on my lap around a sharp corner! The people, the actual job – all that I’ll miss. The lack of sleep and the commute…not so much.

My target is 29 WW ProPoints a day. If I’m totally honest, I don’t quite understand the new system yet, but I suppose it’s the same as when I joined WW years ago – it must be a learning curve.

What I have found with WW that I prefer to counting calories is that it’s easier to guesstimate points than it is to do the same with calories. I don’t eat a lot of processed foods (usually only what I consume from the canteen at work or uni) so it’s sometimes more difficult to find a non-branded item such as Brussels sprouts or tomatoes than something from a packet! I don’t plan on changing my diet to include packaged rubbish though.

Some of the items I have logged from the WW site have been branded, but I’ve usually just taken the highest ProPoints value to keep myself right. I probably won’t post every single day’s worth of food here, but as it was my first day I thought it would be rude not to.

I finished the day consuming 40 ProPoints (11 PP over my target of 29 – yikes!), drinking 4 glasses of water (of which I included 1 green tea, no added sugars or sweeteners), and eating 5 of my 5-a-day of fruit and veg. It wasn’t bad as far as first days go, but I now know what I should be keeping an eye on.


Breakfast
Cheese scone (9)
1 serving strawberry jam (1)
Lunch
Mushroom stroganoff (7)
New potatoes, 100g (2)
White basmati rice (0)
Brussels sprouts (6)
Dinner
½ portion Aloo Saag, leftovers (5)
1 poppadom (1)
All day
2 medium bananas (0)
2 medium plums (0)
1 sachet Ella’s Kitchen organic
fruit puree, red (1)
1 peshwari naan, leftovers (8)
Green tea (0)
Total: 40 ProPoints
Water: 4 glasses
Fruits and veg: 5 portions

My starting weight was a ginormous (for me) 175.5 lbs. That’s a whopping 12st7.5 lbs, which is 4.5 lbs heavier than the weight I started at when I first joined WW. My goal? Eventually I’d like to get back down to my fighting weight of 8st13 lbs (125 lbs), which was my weight at my absolute healthiest, living at home with my mum and dad in high school the year after I left that dreadful boarding school. I am 5’3” and big in the chest department, I do realise I will never be 100 lbs and a skinny-minnie. I know how I want my body to be, and I know this because I’ve done it before.

Ok, so it is now over a decade later, but I have every intention of getting there. There’s 50.5 lbs to be lost from my starting weight and I’ve lost 10 lbs since then. That’s only 40.5 lbs to go. Ah hell, that’s only the weight of my dog!


1. 165 lbs: new handbag
I don’t mean some wee purse from Topshop. I’ve got my eye on a few contenders here, including a very special Mulberry classic or something from Chloe or Chanel. I’ve got another half pound to go before a trip to Harvey Nicks will be in the cards!

2. 150 lbs: mini shopping spree
I can't go around in clothes that are too big for me, can I?

3. 140 lbs: tattoo
I’ve wanted a particular illustration of Alice falling through the rabbit hole ever since I first laid eyes on it 6 years ago. It’s by an artist named Iassen Ghuislev, and it is the most beautiful illustration of my favourite book of all time. I need to find a bare spot to put it, but methinks this could become part of my half sleeve.

The last time I was tattooed by this particular artist, I was 140 lbs. And that is the weight I will be when I go back.

Whilst I’m there I have a couple NIN-inspired ideas I’d like to incorporate; song lyrics mostly. I’ve always loved both “Hurt” and “The only time”, and I think lyrics from both sngs would go quite nicely with my Alice tattoo.

From “Hurt”
“Beneath the stains of time/the feelings disappear/you are someone else/I am still right here”
“If I could start again/a million miles away/I will keep myself/I will find a way”

From “The only time”
“Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars”.
“I swear/I just found everything i need./the sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me”.

4. 130 lbs: NYC
I haven’t seen one of my best friends in a couple years; she lvies in NYC and the last time I saw her was the last time I went to visit her there. We had a total blast – this girl is the only person I know who can outshop me, and she is also the only flatmate I have ever had that I never wanted to throttle at some point.
I miss her, and I’d love to go and see her.

5. 125 lbs: shop for a new wardrobe
Oh yes, when I hit my goal weight of 125 lbs, I will be going on a massive shopping spree. I plan to kit out an entirely new wardrobe of clothing, and I will be selling off my “big girl clothes” on ebay.

Why I want to lose weight

There are a million different reasons why I want to lose the 30+ lbs I’ve been unable to shift for the past year. Not least because it’s a little scary that I managed to gain those pounds in just over a year – that’s 2 lbs a month over a 15 month period! How on earth did I miss this? Why didn’t I do something about it at the time? The truth is, I don’t know. At first it was because I was blissfully happy with my new man. Then I think it became about the lack of motivation I felt as a chunkier me to do anything, much less something about my weight.

My boy loves me just the way I am, and he tells me this everything single day. There are things about me that annoy the hell out of him, but he still finds me attractive. I want to lose weight to feel comfy with myself again, and he’s happy for me just to be healthy.

So here are my reasons; not so much a raison d’etre but more a raison de faire.

1. So I can walk up hills (without gasping for breath)! I used to be quite fit and healthy, but a year or two of too much food and too little exercise have made themselves known... I want to get back to my fighting weight of 9st-ish, and I know I can do it because I've done it before!
2. I want to be able to do the things I like without huffing and puffing
3. I want to climb mountains
4. I want to fit into my size 10 clothes
5. I want to feel pretty again
6. I want to get my half sleeve done, and I want to have nice arms to justify the artist’s work, not jiggly ones!