I've been terribly productive today. I finally cleared out that cupboard for my boyfriend (he's been confined to one chest of drawers since we moved in together over a year ago, bad me!), and I got back in touch with a good friend I've not seen in years.
I won't bore with the details, but about 7 or 8 years ago was a bad time for me. A very good friend died under tragic and surprising circumstances, and shortly after that I fell out with most of my close group of friends due to the actions of one horrible and malicious girl.
I didn't feel like I had anyone to speak to, but there were a few good friends who stuck by me. They were good friends with everyone in the group, and despite constant pressure to end our friendship from these others, they stuck by their guns and basically let it be known that they were going to be friends with whomever they damn well pleased. Possibly with more swearing.
I haven't thought about this in ages, because I've got a totally different life now than I did then. I'm not into the hardcore partying like I used to be, and now I'm happy to concentrate on real life (my job, my boyfriend, uni) rather than getting blitzed every night of the week like I now some of that group still do.
Last night, I was procrastinating and looking up folk on Facebook...and came across one of these 3 amazing guys who basically got me through a tough couple of years. The bizarre thing was, before all that shit kicked off way back when, we only knew each other through that same group of people. He'd been to parties at my flat, and he was pretty good friends with my friend Kat who died - but we'd only ever spoken at parties. Then after everything kicked off, he started messaging me on MSN. Nothing major, just chatting, as we were always up early doors in the morning, before the rest of the world woke up. There was never anything in it, but he was a good mate who was always up for a good chat. We even started hanging out in person sometimes, and I just have a random memory of bringing him a boiled ham one day.
It's good to get in touch. I don't know why we lost touch - it was around the time I moved house I think. We just started talking like it hadn't been 5 years. Isn't it great when you have friends like that? It could be a couple hours or half a decade, but you never have problems finidning something to talk about. Even if it's something silly, in my case!
A couple weeks ago, I ran into another of the guys out walking with my boyfriend and our puppy. He was on his way home from work on one of the sunniest days of the year so far, and I just heard someone call my name. The last time I saw him, I'd stopped off at his new flat on my way home from work, bringing him homemade cookies that were gum-numbingly gingerbread. That was maybe three years ago. This is the guy who was the only person who understood - really understand - how I felt when Kat died. We'd had our differences before, but when it happened he was the only person I could properly speak to. On his next birthday, I took him out for drinks because I wasn't allowed to come to his flat (by decree of his flatmates); we had a fabulous time, and I sent him home to pass out from whiskey overload before dinner.
They've been very good to me, and I've missed them. My life has changed so much since that time when things were so shitty and didn't look like they would ever get better. They are still amazing people, and I'm happy to have them back in my life again.
Wow, that was sappy.
Saturday 23 April 2011
Tuesday 19 April 2011
Much walking today
Ooh my legs are achey, but it's a nice kind of sore! I am not a masochist or anything, let me just get that clear, but I've got that lovely feeling you get sometimes when you know you've done a decent amount of exercise. I get that feeling when I'm on holiday to Toronto, after my eighth yoga class of the week, or my third kettlebell session. Dripping with sweat, feeling slightly energised, but looking forward to a well deserved reeeelax.
I had a field trip to the Hermitage of Braid after lunch today, spending a lovely sunny afternoon identifying trees and walking through the woodland. Then my friend Sarah and I took a trip up Arthur's Seat, the hard way. At one point I was stuck between a rock and a gorse bush, testing out my rock climbing skills (rusty) with a rucksack full of schoolbooks on my back.
I missed the yoga class I'd intended on going to today, but I think I managed to fit in enough activity to tide me over. For now...
I had a field trip to the Hermitage of Braid after lunch today, spending a lovely sunny afternoon identifying trees and walking through the woodland. Then my friend Sarah and I took a trip up Arthur's Seat, the hard way. At one point I was stuck between a rock and a gorse bush, testing out my rock climbing skills (rusty) with a rucksack full of schoolbooks on my back.
I missed the yoga class I'd intended on going to today, but I think I managed to fit in enough activity to tide me over. For now...
Thursday 14 April 2011
Sore head, poor bear
Ooh I've got a rager of a headache today. Two reports to write for tomorrow, no overhead lighting in the room where my computer currently sits, and possibly some sort of sodium overdose at lunch.
I don't feel like doing much today tbh. I walked to uni this morning, and back from the noodle bar afer lunch. Kept within my ProPoints allowance for the first time in weeks (embarassingly yes, WEEKS). Oh, and I have eaten more grapes the past couple days than should technically be allowed.
I don't feel like doing much today tbh. I walked to uni this morning, and back from the noodle bar afer lunch. Kept within my ProPoints allowance for the first time in weeks (embarassingly yes, WEEKS). Oh, and I have eaten more grapes the past couple days than should technically be allowed.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
I *heart* yoga (but not at St Giles, apparently)
This started out as a place for me to air my weight loss woes, successes and milestones. I haven’t updated in awhile, but I’ve taken a good look at my habits over the past few months and one thing has jumped out at me. Screamed “look at me” and done the Mexican wave.
I’ve been really taken with my yoga practice lately; I’ve tried different styles over the past year, and I believe I am on some madcap search to find THE perfect yoga class. When I say perfect, I do mean perfect for me. I think perfection can come in all different shapes and sizes, and the ultimate in yoga practise for me may not be for someone else. But this is me, and I am going to put my selfish hat on and talk about what I like.
I’m not a newcomer to yoga; I’ve tried the odd class in the past, but never committed myself to a particular class or style before. I’d tried anything from a super-gentle hatha class to a very energetic, sweat-inducing Ashtanga led class. I think the only style I’ve yet to try is Bikram, but I don’t deal well with excessive heat so that may be one for the backburner. For now.
My basis for comparison is pretty high. On holiday to Toronto at the end of last summer, I was lucky enough to find an amazing yoga centre there. Octopus Garden Yoga. If you’re in Toronto I seriously recommend going there. This place is my ultimate ideal of what a yoga centre should be – unpretentious, chilled out, fabulous teachers, and a café downstairs that serves yummy muffins. Yes, they’re vegan (and no, I am not), but they smell amazing and taste as good. Let me tell you, this was the place I first fell in love with yoga.
My first teacher there was Morgan - this was back in the old location, which was much smaller and homey. The class was packed full, there was almost no space between each mat, and it was still as warm as the height of summer. Octopus Garden teaches a style of yoga called Vinyasa Flow, which I didn’t know much about. Morgan told me it was based on a kind of Ashtanga style. It shouldn’t have been as good as it was, let me just say. The full room, the heat, all those bodies. The funny thing was, I didn’t notice a thing. Once the class started, it was like everything else melted away. Now I’m one of those people who can be quite bad about people-watching. I’ll peek at folk out of the corner of my eye to see if I’m doing my moves right. In that class, I didn’t notice a single person, though I was only inches away from about 4 or 5 bodies at any time.
The other thing I noticed was my ability to go into meditation like I’d never been able to before. I’m usually the person in the corner who manages to fall asleep at the end of class, and I remember a teacher saying once that it is meditation as long as your mind is conscious. Once you slip into a state of sleep, it is just a nap. I’d never been able to successfully meditate before, and I left that class feeling amazing!
Today I tried a new yoga class, one near my flat in Edinburgh. I practise Iyengar yoga once a week at the Iyengar Centre in Bruntsfield, but our classes are on hiatus at the moment for a fortnight. I’d searched online and found Vinyasa Ashtanga yoga classes at St Giles in Marchmont, thinking it may supplement my weekly Iyengar class nicely. Hm.
The class size was small, with us all lined up in a row facing the teacher. I didn’t feel like I was in a yoga class, I felt a little like I was in a fitness class in a gym. The teacher (though I want to call her the “instructor”) called out rapid-fire poses, with almost no comments on breathing or correct alignment. Now I realise this was no beginners’ class, but I’ve been to more challenging classes where the teacher was still able to concentrate on correct execution. When it came time for the shoulder stand and she gave no instruction, and we were told to do the pose unsupported (with no equipment), I just did a back-bend instead. I’m not confident enough in my practice to do a shoulder stand without support, and I’d rather remain slightly behind the class than injure myself.
Anyhow, it was a disappointing experience. I’ll be going back next week on a different day, as I know there is another teacher who runs classes from the same location. We’ll see.
I’ve been really taken with my yoga practice lately; I’ve tried different styles over the past year, and I believe I am on some madcap search to find THE perfect yoga class. When I say perfect, I do mean perfect for me. I think perfection can come in all different shapes and sizes, and the ultimate in yoga practise for me may not be for someone else. But this is me, and I am going to put my selfish hat on and talk about what I like.
I’m not a newcomer to yoga; I’ve tried the odd class in the past, but never committed myself to a particular class or style before. I’d tried anything from a super-gentle hatha class to a very energetic, sweat-inducing Ashtanga led class. I think the only style I’ve yet to try is Bikram, but I don’t deal well with excessive heat so that may be one for the backburner. For now.
My basis for comparison is pretty high. On holiday to Toronto at the end of last summer, I was lucky enough to find an amazing yoga centre there. Octopus Garden Yoga. If you’re in Toronto I seriously recommend going there. This place is my ultimate ideal of what a yoga centre should be – unpretentious, chilled out, fabulous teachers, and a café downstairs that serves yummy muffins. Yes, they’re vegan (and no, I am not), but they smell amazing and taste as good. Let me tell you, this was the place I first fell in love with yoga.
My first teacher there was Morgan - this was back in the old location, which was much smaller and homey. The class was packed full, there was almost no space between each mat, and it was still as warm as the height of summer. Octopus Garden teaches a style of yoga called Vinyasa Flow, which I didn’t know much about. Morgan told me it was based on a kind of Ashtanga style. It shouldn’t have been as good as it was, let me just say. The full room, the heat, all those bodies. The funny thing was, I didn’t notice a thing. Once the class started, it was like everything else melted away. Now I’m one of those people who can be quite bad about people-watching. I’ll peek at folk out of the corner of my eye to see if I’m doing my moves right. In that class, I didn’t notice a single person, though I was only inches away from about 4 or 5 bodies at any time.
The other thing I noticed was my ability to go into meditation like I’d never been able to before. I’m usually the person in the corner who manages to fall asleep at the end of class, and I remember a teacher saying once that it is meditation as long as your mind is conscious. Once you slip into a state of sleep, it is just a nap. I’d never been able to successfully meditate before, and I left that class feeling amazing!
Today I tried a new yoga class, one near my flat in Edinburgh. I practise Iyengar yoga once a week at the Iyengar Centre in Bruntsfield, but our classes are on hiatus at the moment for a fortnight. I’d searched online and found Vinyasa Ashtanga yoga classes at St Giles in Marchmont, thinking it may supplement my weekly Iyengar class nicely. Hm.
The class size was small, with us all lined up in a row facing the teacher. I didn’t feel like I was in a yoga class, I felt a little like I was in a fitness class in a gym. The teacher (though I want to call her the “instructor”) called out rapid-fire poses, with almost no comments on breathing or correct alignment. Now I realise this was no beginners’ class, but I’ve been to more challenging classes where the teacher was still able to concentrate on correct execution. When it came time for the shoulder stand and she gave no instruction, and we were told to do the pose unsupported (with no equipment), I just did a back-bend instead. I’m not confident enough in my practice to do a shoulder stand without support, and I’d rather remain slightly behind the class than injure myself.
Anyhow, it was a disappointing experience. I’ll be going back next week on a different day, as I know there is another teacher who runs classes from the same location. We’ll see.
Monday 24 January 2011
2 milestones
Milestone 1: Went to my first WW meeting in 3 years
Let me begin by saying, I went to WW religiously years ago - and I lost about 3st. I've always looked smaller than my true weight (despite being overweight and with a unhealth BMI), but my highest when starting WW the first time was 12st3.5.
I attended my first WW meeting in about 3 years, and again weighed in at exactly 12st3.5. Thatw as last Friday, and let me tell you, it was nerve-wracking. It may sound silly, but I was worried my old WW leader Maureen would be taking the meetings at the Gillis Centre (not such a stretch of the imagination, as the meetings I used to attend were in Morningside) and I'd be greeted with shocked exclamations of "what the hell happened to you? You were doing so well, and now look - you've gained it all back."
Now I know Maureen would never say that, but the worry was, would people think it? Nail bitingly nervous. I even turned up on the wrong day at first; showed up on Thursday evening and had the poor wee guy at reception double check the meeting wasn’t on that night.
I didn’t stay for the meeting (for shame!) but just weighed in; I had plans with the boyfriend and I’d promised I’d only be gone 20 minutes. Now the Gillis Centre meetings are fairly new on the WW radar, and as last week was only Week 2, I think people were just getting their bearings. It was pretty quiet in comparison to the Merlin, which suited me. I ran into a girl I recognised who works in one of the cute wee shops on Colinton Road and chatted to her for awhile. It was generally quite a chilled out experience, and to be honest no one paid the slightest bit of attention as I got weighed. It’s nice to be anonymous sometimes!
Milestone 2: Succeeded in doing a backbend in yoga
I have been going to yoga on and off (more sporadically than regularly) for years, slipping in and out of it but never really committing to anything. Which is strange, because yoga has always been something I’ve been interested in.
When I was in Toronto at the end of last summer, I had the privilege of attending classes at an amazing yoga studio in Downtown TO, called Octopus Garden. This place was everything I’d ever wanted or hoped a yoga practice space to be. It was unpretentious, and the teachers were great – I really felt like I’d learned something, pushed myself, and felt a million times better after every class. The thing was, the studio was tiny, and often the classes were so crowded there was barely a gap between students. Once the class started though, all that meant nothing, and I barely noticed how crammed the room was or how busy.
The very best thing was, I finally managed to grasp meditation. Clearing my mind has always been something I’ve struggled with, but there it was achievable.
Ever since, I have been trying to find that same space again, but for some reason I’ve never been able to at any of the yoga classes I’ve attended in Edinburgh. I’ve tried studios recommended by friends and colleagues, but they’ve always fallen short somehow.
Someone recommended Union Yoga on Rodney Street to me a few months ago, and I tried a few classes but somehow, the teachers just weren’t the right fit for me. In one Ashtanga class, the teacher, a guy called Mark, was more interested in showing off what he could do rather than concentrating on poses that would fit the abilities of the students – and there wasn’t much instruction. I did attend a Kundalini yoga class there that I really enjoyed, but it wasn’t a regularly scheduled class. It focussed mostly on breathing and on mantras, so a step away from when I think of as yoga as a fitness class.
I signed up for a full term of classes at the Iyengar yoga centre near my flat a couple weeks ago, starting from scratch at Level 1. Now I realise I’m not a total beginner, but I’ve always found there were certain poses I struggled with or glossed over in my practice, and I thought it would be useful to get the fundamentals right before tacking anything more challenging.
Today was week 3 of classes, and we attempted backbends for the first time. The first pose was Ustrasana (camel pose). I’d seen it done before, but in Ashtanga and Vinyasa practice (which I’ve had experience of before) I had never attempted it myself. I’d always thought this pose involved a leaning back, but learned today it was a lifting pose. With some help from the teacher I actually managed it!
I feel like I’m making progress, which has totally put a huge smile on my face!
Let me begin by saying, I went to WW religiously years ago - and I lost about 3st. I've always looked smaller than my true weight (despite being overweight and with a unhealth BMI), but my highest when starting WW the first time was 12st3.5.
I attended my first WW meeting in about 3 years, and again weighed in at exactly 12st3.5. Thatw as last Friday, and let me tell you, it was nerve-wracking. It may sound silly, but I was worried my old WW leader Maureen would be taking the meetings at the Gillis Centre (not such a stretch of the imagination, as the meetings I used to attend were in Morningside) and I'd be greeted with shocked exclamations of "what the hell happened to you? You were doing so well, and now look - you've gained it all back."
Now I know Maureen would never say that, but the worry was, would people think it? Nail bitingly nervous. I even turned up on the wrong day at first; showed up on Thursday evening and had the poor wee guy at reception double check the meeting wasn’t on that night.
I didn’t stay for the meeting (for shame!) but just weighed in; I had plans with the boyfriend and I’d promised I’d only be gone 20 minutes. Now the Gillis Centre meetings are fairly new on the WW radar, and as last week was only Week 2, I think people were just getting their bearings. It was pretty quiet in comparison to the Merlin, which suited me. I ran into a girl I recognised who works in one of the cute wee shops on Colinton Road and chatted to her for awhile. It was generally quite a chilled out experience, and to be honest no one paid the slightest bit of attention as I got weighed. It’s nice to be anonymous sometimes!
Milestone 2: Succeeded in doing a backbend in yoga
I have been going to yoga on and off (more sporadically than regularly) for years, slipping in and out of it but never really committing to anything. Which is strange, because yoga has always been something I’ve been interested in.
When I was in Toronto at the end of last summer, I had the privilege of attending classes at an amazing yoga studio in Downtown TO, called Octopus Garden. This place was everything I’d ever wanted or hoped a yoga practice space to be. It was unpretentious, and the teachers were great – I really felt like I’d learned something, pushed myself, and felt a million times better after every class. The thing was, the studio was tiny, and often the classes were so crowded there was barely a gap between students. Once the class started though, all that meant nothing, and I barely noticed how crammed the room was or how busy.
The very best thing was, I finally managed to grasp meditation. Clearing my mind has always been something I’ve struggled with, but there it was achievable.
Ever since, I have been trying to find that same space again, but for some reason I’ve never been able to at any of the yoga classes I’ve attended in Edinburgh. I’ve tried studios recommended by friends and colleagues, but they’ve always fallen short somehow.
Someone recommended Union Yoga on Rodney Street to me a few months ago, and I tried a few classes but somehow, the teachers just weren’t the right fit for me. In one Ashtanga class, the teacher, a guy called Mark, was more interested in showing off what he could do rather than concentrating on poses that would fit the abilities of the students – and there wasn’t much instruction. I did attend a Kundalini yoga class there that I really enjoyed, but it wasn’t a regularly scheduled class. It focussed mostly on breathing and on mantras, so a step away from when I think of as yoga as a fitness class.
I signed up for a full term of classes at the Iyengar yoga centre near my flat a couple weeks ago, starting from scratch at Level 1. Now I realise I’m not a total beginner, but I’ve always found there were certain poses I struggled with or glossed over in my practice, and I thought it would be useful to get the fundamentals right before tacking anything more challenging.
Today was week 3 of classes, and we attempted backbends for the first time. The first pose was Ustrasana (camel pose). I’d seen it done before, but in Ashtanga and Vinyasa practice (which I’ve had experience of before) I had never attempted it myself. I’d always thought this pose involved a leaning back, but learned today it was a lifting pose. With some help from the teacher I actually managed it!
I feel like I’m making progress, which has totally put a huge smile on my face!
Monday 20 December 2010
Non lofty goals = mini success?
Today - the first day of the rest of my diet.
Well, it's not meant to be a "diet", but it sounds more catchy.
I set myself a goal not to go over 35 ProPoints today - not the loftiest of goals maybe (my daily limit is 29), but a goal nonetheless.
Well, I have hit 31 Points today, it is 9:40 pm, and I am not hungry. I may snack n some fruit tonight, but otherwise I am feeling pretty satisfied. I even had a drink in the pub and a meal out in a fancy restaurant.
Ok, so we woke up late and had "brunch" instead of separate meals for breakfast and lunch, but I have to say, this is the first I've been even close to within my allowance. I'm quite proud of myself actually.
Me and the boyfriend did some serius power shopping today - hit the vintage shops around the West Port and Grassmarket pretty hard. He came home with a fabulous duffle coat with a tartan lining from Godiva, which was a total find at 75 quid.
Well, it's not meant to be a "diet", but it sounds more catchy.
I set myself a goal not to go over 35 ProPoints today - not the loftiest of goals maybe (my daily limit is 29), but a goal nonetheless.
Well, I have hit 31 Points today, it is 9:40 pm, and I am not hungry. I may snack n some fruit tonight, but otherwise I am feeling pretty satisfied. I even had a drink in the pub and a meal out in a fancy restaurant.
Ok, so we woke up late and had "brunch" instead of separate meals for breakfast and lunch, but I have to say, this is the first I've been even close to within my allowance. I'm quite proud of myself actually.
Me and the boyfriend did some serius power shopping today - hit the vintage shops around the West Port and Grassmarket pretty hard. He came home with a fabulous duffle coat with a tartan lining from Godiva, which was a total find at 75 quid.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
My before and goal pictures (aka 'the way we were')
This is my before picture. I had to root around and steal this one from Facebook (it's on my friend's page, but I wouldn't let her tag me as I think I look big). I think I look big in most photos these days.
It's sad, and I am very vain apparently. I may be grinning like a loon but inside I am hoping the camera will shed 10 lbs.
This is an old photo of me. This is my goal; though it isn't the smallest I have ever been - and at the time I still thought I was fat - I look back on this size of me and think wow, I looked pretty damned good then.
I am also wearing a rubber dress.
I have high hopes for my true 'after' picture...
It's sad, and I am very vain apparently. I may be grinning like a loon but inside I am hoping the camera will shed 10 lbs.
This is an old photo of me. This is my goal; though it isn't the smallest I have ever been - and at the time I still thought I was fat - I look back on this size of me and think wow, I looked pretty damned good then.
I am also wearing a rubber dress.
I have high hopes for my true 'after' picture...
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